Where is My Mind?

 It's over. My birthday I mean, it was akin to any other day off I have and that made me a little sad. I didn't have plans for it, I didn't try to make plans for it so low and behold it was another passing day with nothing to show for it.  Twenty-seven seems like such a weird age to be. I am fully and in all legal senses an adult but I really still don't feel like one. Maybe I'm too close to home and feel like there is some type of safety net because of that? Probably. I know exactly what I want to do next year though. At 28 I want to go skydiving and be less than 185lb when I'm doing it, I want to be fit by my next birthday and I want to feel good about it. I want to feel like it isn't just another day where I lounge around and fuck off, it has to have some meaning. I mean in the end isn't that what everyone wants?  Meaning.

This is not about not needing people. This is about leaning on those who are wrong for you. People come in and out of your life quickly, and those who stay are supposed to be the ones you can count on. The thing is that people come and go out of your life for different reasons, some your fault sometimes unbeknownst to you. My second biggest problem is I cannot identify these types of people; the ones who stay because they see something great in you and the ones that stay because they have nowhere else to go. It is not always about you, even if it seems so. My biggest problem is that I rely on people to do things for me: Help me with an idea, start a business venture with me, be a partner or go all in with me on ideas. Either I haven't found my person to do that with, or I am much too reliant on others to get a job I want done. Even writing that last bit gave me a feeling that I didn't particularly like. Because I know it is true, if I want to do something I should do it myself.